Ok -- I've finally come to terms with it. I'm completely starting over.
It's been difficult trying to create a new routine for myself, especially since the old one was so familiar. I'm in foreign territory now, though, and not just in a physical sense.
The move from Texas to North Carolina is still fresh, and for the most part, I love what I see: Nature in every direction, people who take their time to greet strangers, and cultural opportunities galore. But I miss my old life, especially the work friends who have become my lifeline.
And the Career Mom-turned Homemaker Mom job is so foreign. I'm so thankful to be spending more time with the kiddos, but I've been uncertain about how to fill my days. Up until now, I'd been hanging on to my usual routine: wake up, check work email, shower, slap on clothes and makeup, drive to the office. There was comfort in the routine.
Now, the sky's the limit, but I've felt guilty for sleeping in. Guilty for not being more productive during this break. Guilty for not being able to find a job that's similar to what I've been doing for the past 15 years.
Somehow that changed, though. I watched a movie last night where the lead character said most people have three different different careers in life. It clicked. I'm not really lost, I'm just on the path to my second career. And despite the uncertainty I feel about so many other things, there are no doubts in my mind about what I want the next career to be. A soother. A healer. A listener. I'll find it in the world of skincare.
Sure, it's starting over. But that's what I've been longing for, for a long time.
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Please rent the movie "You Can't Take it With You." It's an oldie but a goodie about a crazy household (mostly family members but some who are grownups who've been "adopted.")
The movie opens with Lionel Barrymore (the good guy, not the bad guy in It's a Wonderful Life) talking with a lowly accountant in a bank. "Do you like your job," he wants to know. The bean counter reveals he'd rather make inventions such as the toy rabbit he shows him that pops out of a cabbage. Barrymore invites him to come live at his house, where other like-minded creatives do exactly what they want to do - all day long.
Ann Miller's character dances around the house, although she lacks talent. Her husband sells boxes of candy and likes to make printings of images. Another woman writes plays that nobody reads - and the guys working in the basement make fireworks.
Of course mistakes and mad-cap mishaps ensue but in the end, the group survives and thanks heaven for the opportunity to keep going.
Pupule, you are in the place where you are looking for that thing you want to do. And the looking part may take time and legwork. Just get up every day and ask yourself what you "wish" to do. Think about it this way: The greatest trapeze flyers are also the greatest fallers. They don't look at falling as failure - they look at it as just another part of performing in the air.
What would you do if "falling/failing" had no meaning? Write about it in your next post. You may not know where you're going, but you know you're on the way.
I read a great quote in a year-old magazine I found in a doctor's office. It said: Fear is nothing more than False Evidence Appearing Real." Get it? It's an acronym.
I think I'll go write about it . . .
Hang in there, Princess Pupule. Change is rough, and your change has been more extreme than most people's. I think you've hit the nail on the head -- change is part of your life's journey and this is just another step. Of course it's different, and with that comes pain and discomfort, but the good news is that those are both short-lived.
We miss you too and please know that we're sending positive vibes your way. We can't wait to see what the next chapter in your life looks like.
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