Starting Over

Ok -- I've finally come to terms with it. I'm completely starting over.

It's been difficult trying to create a new routine for myself, especially since the old one was so familiar. I'm in foreign territory now, though, and not just in a physical sense.

The move from Texas to North Carolina is still fresh, and for the most part, I love what I see: Nature in every direction, people who take their time to greet strangers, and cultural opportunities galore. But I miss my old life, especially the work friends who have become my lifeline.

And the Career Mom-turned Homemaker Mom job is so foreign. I'm so thankful to be spending more time with the kiddos, but I've been uncertain about how to fill my days. Up until now, I'd been hanging on to my usual routine: wake up, check work email, shower, slap on clothes and makeup, drive to the office. There was comfort in the routine.

Now, the sky's the limit, but I've felt guilty for sleeping in. Guilty for not being more productive during this break. Guilty for not being able to find a job that's similar to what I've been doing for the past 15 years.

Somehow that changed, though. I watched a movie last night where the lead character said most people have three different different careers in life. It clicked. I'm not really lost, I'm just on the path to my second career. And despite the uncertainty I feel about so many other things, there are no doubts in my mind about what I want the next career to be. A soother. A healer. A listener. I'll find it in the world of skincare.

Sure, it's starting over. But that's what I've been longing for, for a long time.

Gone Fishin'

I'm officially without my daughter for the next three weeks. We drove for three hours to drop her off at Appalachian State University, where she joined a couple hundred other 7th graders to get a taste of college life. She was so excited to be there, to make her bed in her dorm, set up a few personal items, then get her mom, dad and little brother the heck out of there. I miss her already.

But we're making the most of this time apart -- 3 weeks without her. TJ is looking forward to a few weeks as an only child, and we have plans to go fishing every morning at 7 -- there's a pond about 100 yards away from our townhome and it's planted with catfish, bass and snapping turtles. We spent a couple of hours there tonight...and pretty soon, all of the neighbor kids were joining in. Ryan spent the entire time re-baiting hooks for all of the kids. What a guy.

I don't know why, but something clicked tonight: this is our time to take it all in....I've been a little lost without a job to go to and responsibilities to fulfill, worrying that I'd never be able to find employment again...but tonight, I got lost in the simplicity of casting the line, catching a fish and releasing it back into the water. I really, really need simple things right now. They're filling my soul...and I'm starting to realize that this time is so short-lived, I need to let go of the worries and just enjoy it. So that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Bliss

It's been raining for three days straight. Each time we think we're going to host a fireworks show, our promises are dashed by Mother Nature. But we've been enjoying the rain shows from our front porch.

I continue to be amazed at how therapeutic the simple life is for us. Fishing at the local pond, watching old movies with the kids on the couch, eating popsicles at the community pool....these are the things that fill me up these days.

I'd be lying if I said I'm not worried about the future. If I'm not worried about something, I'm not myself. But I'm catching more opportunities to live in the moment, and I'm getting a little better at allowing myself to stay there without feeling guilty.

The secret? Accepting everything that is good....letting the small but beautiful moments seep into the skin and flow into the soul. I can't repeat it when I'm trying too hard, but it seems to naturally happen when I shut my mind up and allow myself to enjoy the moment.